Somber Expectations

[kyonides]

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Somber Expectations

Written by Kyonides


Chapter One

Screw You!


Defining Modern Times

So far I have been living strange adventures in the distant past and modern cities. Oh no, I was not alone for Wulfo, Mel and Lani were my companions. It should be self evident I was the only reliable party member there. All of our challenges and misfortunes did not prepare me very well to assimilate the fact I knew nothing about what modern lifestyle actually was all about. Admit it, my dear reader, you would have done the same if you ever believed you had seen it all back then. I know I certainly did, to my own dismay.

A fellow online board member kept talking about how much he had fallen in love with a weird and problematic redhead that I would dare to call a trigger happy girl without doubt. How could this nonsensical feeling ever get associated with my own troubles full of misunderstandings and nasty surprises? Well, that is the part I wish I could simply skip, still, I cannot do that or it is not recommended. No, I cannot, especially if I want you to get a grasp of what would come up next. Even so there is no guarantee you will not end up yelling “screw you!” at me after you have finished reading this chapter.

According to him, that girl had a partner and both of them worked as an unusual kind of consultant. They were the type of contractors you would ALWAYS regret you had ever considered hiring them in the first place. The ginger one never got separated from her blaster or so it seems to me. Keep in mind that I am unfamiliar with them, I really am! Even so I feel I can relate to them somehow.

Oh no, this story has nothing to do with those girls at all. Why? Because I do not want to get sued by anybody ever, he, he. Besides this is more about what I could vaguely recall after I showed up in the middle of a large city. Scratch that! I should describe it as the first megalopolis a simple guy like me had ever seen in his entire life. Forget about New York, Mexico City, Tokyo or any other settlement you would love to visit at least once in your lifetime. They truly are nothing but tiny marbles if compared with such a place. Curiously there was no central park or anything the like and believe me when I tell you I took quite some time mapping almost every sector.

Nope, I cannot tell you how many times I got lost and not in translation precisely. Citizens did not doubt to call me a weirdo for I was using pieces of paper instead of some very well known electronic device. Do you want me to tell you what kind of computers or handhelds they were selling at the stores? Then give me some 2,000 or 3,000 e-coins to go buy one for me and keep waiting for over 1000 years to let your descendants watch my product review on their very own ultra modern version of the “tube”. You see, even the worst tuber could get not less than 20,000 visitors a couple of hours he had uploaded or streamed it. Hey! I had told you it was incredibly LARGE, hadn’t I?

Ethnic Groups

Another curious fact I got to mention here would be that it was divided by the spoken languages, sort of. Those speaking either European or Asian languages usually stuck together. They all speak some kind of slightly altered version of English. I guess we could evidently say here that tongues keep evolving non-stop if given enough time, right?

Nope, swearing pretty much remained the same except for a couple of recent additions. Forget it! I will not teach you what is the best way to insult a human in the future.

Those strange situations lead me to join any side that was fighting against some Chinese community. OK, I also loved to pick on some Japanese because, you know, they are well known for being crazy. Thank their mangaka and their animators for that, he, he! The samurai is no longer supposed to care about haiku nor calligraphy, they could just be the latest incarnation of pure evil. Here is another curious fact, they did not air any isekai kind of animé for they had replaced stories focused on parallel worlds with space operas long time ago.

Obviously, I did not hesitate to run away if gangs got involved and lasers kept opening holes everywhere. Somehow I cannot stop suspecting, not even now that I am back in my own time, that all those Chinese guys and a few gals were actual spies and not just your average gangsters. I ignore if that would be a synonym for hackers in the far future. Anyway, it seems bad customs never die…

Hot Girls

Do not take me wrong! I seriously liked talking to some Chinese girl I was seeing for a few weeks. Her long black hair killed me for sure but her seemingly bottomless stomach not much. When Mike learned about her, he pushed me to make her a confession and steal a kiss or two from her because “she was hawt”. As a joke I told him he should go after that bratty Amelia that was stalking him long time ago so we all could dine together at the restaurant they would pick for us.

“Heck, if I ever, EVER wanted to date any troublemaker in the meantime, I’d call Pelosi or Pocahontas at once!” he exclaimed.

“Well, they definitely like the idea of celebrating Christmas in May or June so why don’t you go get her phone numbers?” I humorously replied back.

I never disclosed to him I would had to ditch her because she was a cyborg. Do not ask me about it, she could perfectly be an android instead. Their advanced technology makes it difficult to make clear distinctions between them. For Mike loves to take risks, I do not think he would give a damn thing whether or not she was a complex machine. Yeah, well, I SERIOUSLY prefer to stick to my time traveler’s hunch before I could end up tasting some futuristic coolant or oil.

Let’s Go Shopping

Where would his shop be located in that city? Err, you got to know it will not be in that megalopolis for sure. I was talking about the very same American pawn shop where he has been working in like a slave for several decades now. You would have a better chance to contract covid-19 there than finding a hi-tech blaster or some light saber of sorts. He surely hates it when I tell him such things, he, he. Nonetheless, I cannot help it, my worried reader, for I love saying such hurtful things every so often.

True, I did not tell you this, yet. Right now I am writing this chapter back at home in cloudy and rainy Costa Rica. So there is no slight chance I am in need of buying some flea killer spray or tablet, he, he. The down side is that I can never foretell when I will be back in that somber mega city. Really, I cannot take my eyes off my glass or coffee mug or my computer screen when I suddenly find myself again in the middle of its dangerous streets and alleys.

“Helluva… What da hell are ya doin’ here, geek?” a drug dealer or the like screamed ferociously after I had interrupted their ill negotiations.

See what I mean, my dear reader? Here I am tapping on my cellphone as fast as a roadrunner for I have already got my own set of cyber coyotes chasing after me. Poor me!

By the way, let me leave a short but important final note here, just in case I do not survive this time. In the future they had found out I was the superspreader not of SARS-CoV-2 but one dangerous instance of the dreadful Corona-chan computer virus. How did I manage to pull that off unknowingly? Err, well, you see, my friend, it was by innocently posting this very same chapter on your favorite videogame board, of course! Yes, the same where you can find hundreds of my smileys.

You should know computers still running on XP and Vista got in serious troubles. At least that was what they told me in the nameless megalopolis last time I was there. Hey! I think it was that cyborg girl I mentioned a while ago the one who once let me learn everything I know about it, if I remember clearly…

“Essence of living beings detected! Notifying our leaders now…” the stupid drone full of advanced sensors claimed after he got to have found me and some rodent!?

Since then I have been wondering if Cheesie James or his relatives have joined me there.

To Be Continued...

If you don't come back to kill me!