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 BRUSHING OFF MASS MURDER
#1
Trust me guys, I didn't come up with this.
I got this from a youtube video recounting pen-n-paper RPG stories.
Unfortunately, no names were attributed.



BRUSHING OFF MASS MURDER


One of my groups is a bit... unusual in their methods. It's all good and fun and the campaign definitely has an "absurd humour" thing going on but sometimes I really do wonder what the hell is happening. There wasn't really a punchline but the whole session was just one absurd thing after another.

This group is made of an animated halfling skeleton Death Cleric who worships and entity only known as "The Pope", a Warlock who has the mighty fey lord Xiomamma Lemmon as her patron, and an actual mouse named "Old Cheeser" who wields a 2-meter greatsword and describes her mother as "mousy".

So there's a large canyon in my homebrew world and they wanted to go to the other side. The only way to do that is to either take a four-month detour, or to let yourself get thrown over the canyon with a magic catapult.

So they enter the small village where the catapult is located and learn that there's a serial killer roaming around. Leaving the village via the catapult or otherwise is forbidden until the murderer has been found.

Instead of trying to find who the murderer is and going after the clues I distributed throughout the village, they decided that it's a lot easier to just frame a random person in the village.  They decided that the daughter of the local mayor, a very impressionable youth, was the perfect target.

She and the other young people in the village were looking forward to the "concert" of a famous gothic bard named Shadowplay at the time, and most of them were dressed in black and were talking about the cruel void that is life without actually knowing what that means.

So my party proceeded to convince Shadowplay to let them construct the stage decorations for her, as well as convincing the mayor's daughter to hide behind said decoration, and jump out in the middle of the concert screaming "I did it! I murdered them all!" because they convinced her it was cool and edgy.

They also convinced another four lads to start biding people (the murder victims had bitemarks on their bodies) because my party figured that framing multiple people is better than framing just one.

Everything proceeds as planned and a major panic and confusion ensues, but after clearing it all up it soon becomes apparent to the villagers tha these young people weren't the murderers, so the catapult stays closed.

My party is disappointed that their scheme didn't work and follow the clues. They soon find out that there's more behind the murders than just a simple killer, but they decide to team up with the perpetrators in exchange for them helping my group illegally operating the catapult in a secret night operation. So they left the village behind, knowing that everyone would soon get slaughtered in order to pursue their main goal of...

...visiting the city said to have the best pizza.

They would later be led astray by Xiomamma Lemmon in a thinly veiled scheme to secure a region lush in citrus farms, afterwards they unearthed and reanimated a skeleton named "Heidelinde", decided that  the name is amazing, and currently they are trying to elevate that skeleton to godhood.

I threw away my "serious" campaign notes long ago.
Up is down, left is right and sideways is straight ahead. - Cord "Circle of Iron", 1978 (written by Bruce Lee and James Coburn... really...)
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