What's up, Kainers?!

[Kain Nobel]

Tonight, I'm not talking about politics or the state of the country, no siree. I can't sit here all depressed about how geo-politically fucked we are all the time, nor how horrible of a witch Hillary Clinton is.


(I mean that literally and figuratively. She might actually be a witch - not one of the good ones, an evil one. Please don't hex me.)

It's funny, a couple weeks ago I had the most random of thoughts; what the heck happened to Richard Simmons?

When I was in 4th grade I had braces and whenever it was too hard for me to eat lunch at school my mom would take me to Taco Bell to get some Meximelts since they were nice and soft. Those sound so fucking delicious right now! Seriously, if you haven't had a Meximelt from Taco Bell, at least once, you're not living and deserve to be slapped. They're so simple yet so delicious; tortilla, meat, three cheese blend and some pico de gallo.


(Pictured : Delicious)

Anyways, one of the custodians at my school when I was a kid looked like Richard Simmons. He looked, talked, walked and acted like Richard Simmons. He always rode this funny looking mountain bike to Taco Bell for lunch and even dressed like Simmons, I thought it was hilarious. I was that rude kid that would point and laugh and wave like an asshole. Matter of fact, I thought he was Simmons himself at one point. Twin brother maybe? A clone? Are there multiples of Richard Simmons clones walking around in the world these days? Who knows...


(Pictured : Richard Simmons? Or that weird school custodian? Maybe both. Maybe they're the same person.)

The funny thing though is whenever I think of some obscure celebrity, or somebody who looks like a celebrity, said celebrity pops up in a news article out of nowhere.



And apparently Richard Simmons has transitioned into a woman. Who would've known? It sounds like he, err... she is going through a bit of emotional trauma. Regardless I hope the best for Simmons as well as that school custodian I used to make fun of. Both are wonderful people.

I am having a serious Meximelt craving now. I haven't had a Meximelt in YEARS. You can bet your bottom dollar I'm getting one tomorrow! Oh man, they're so delicious and I don't even understand WHY... they just are!


(Pictured : Delicious. And my fridge is empty so I can't make a DIY Meximelt right now. It's pissing me off.)